Missing My Father

I never told anyone how much I adore my deceased father. His wisdom lives on in my memories but still I feel incomplete or unfinished. It is like he left the classroom mid-sentence in the middle of the lesson. I have much more to learn.

My eyes are welling up with tears as I type. For I fear I need him more now than in my prior years.

How does one say ... I have strong feelings I need to make sense of but no one to turn to whom I have high regard. I struggle inside going back and forth in my mind. Not knowing what needs to happen or what action need be taken. Please, I beg God, let my Dad come to me in a dream or send a sign for me to know which way to go.

Last night I had a business dinner with an attractive man on Lincoln Road. The whole time I thought I was cheating on the one which holds my affections. That was new and I kept trying to ignore it but it was no use. Then on the drive out of the beach I saw a guy how looked just like my muse except for details in the face and attire, sitting on the sidewalk in some form of shock. I thought to myself - OH my GOD what if it was really him in disbelief that I would be so brazen as to have dinner with another someone on Lincoln.

These thoughts are random but repetitive. I should have paid more attention to the lectures my father had given. Atleast then I would be able to recall the best way to make these thoughts go away.